This article highlights the management of non-contact lens-related corneal maladies that are seen in abundance in a typical Eye Casualty department in the UK. The majority of those illustrated can be managed in the first instance by an optometrist with the requisite prescribing rights. Finally, by illustrating the rarer, sinister counterparts, it is hoped that the article will serve as a useful guide when encountering patients with corneal manifestations that are difficult to interpret.